


Putting the 'Bitch' in 'Witch'

by professionalmomfriend (mothmanwashere)



Series: HogwartsStuck [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/F, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Gen, Hogwarts Express, Hogwarts Seventh Year, M/M, Troll Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2015-10-27
Packaged: 2018-04-28 12:44:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5091233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mothmanwashere/pseuds/professionalmomfriend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John's excited for his last year at Hogwarts, and he can't deny that Vriska is kind of mean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Putting the 'Bitch' in 'Witch'

_September 1, 7 th Year_

_Hogwarts Express_

John Egbert is over the moon with excitement for his last year at Hogwarts, and even more excited about what his career after.  He had received letters of intent from half a dozen teams on the professional Quidditch circuit and couldn’t wait to impress the scouts once the season began.

It’s hard for John to believe that just eight years ago he hadn’t even known magic was real!  It felt as if he'd been a part of the wizarding world forever, and not just since he was 11.  His dad, bless his heart, had been a squib.  He’d been tremendously disappointed when he couldn’t follow in the footsteps of his mother, an accomplished witch.  He’d married a muggle, and while he secretly held out hope that his son would be magical, they had raised him as an ordinary muggle child.  It wasn’t until John accidentally conjured up a disappearing charm that he liked to use on the stairs as a prank that his parents had realized he had inherited the magical gift that had skipped a generation.  Within a month, John’s Hogwarts letter arrived, and his grandmother came to take him to his first year at Hogwarts.  Coincidentally, his grandmother was the Herbology professor at the same academy, so John had tackled his magical journey head on and naturally been sorted into Gryffindor.

It all seemed like yesterday, and he keeps reminding himself that is was his final year in school.  It’s a bit disappointing that it’s all gone so fast.

John boards the Hogwarts Express with a fast grip on his best bro’s arm.  Dave’s faking disinterest, as usual, but he keeps looking around as if he’s trying to find something.  John finds the first empty carriage and pulls Dave in after him.  Dave settles in with his back against the wall, instead of the seat, and stretches his feet across the seat.  His attention is still on the aisle, but he still contributes sassily as John tells him all about this spell his grandma taught him over the summer.

It isn’t long after the train begins to move that Aradia and Feferi join them.  While John’s friendly with both girls, particularly with Aradia, since she’s in Gryffindor as well, Dave knows Aradia much better. Aradia and Dave’s friendship goes way back to fourth year and John’s still fuzzy on the actual details.  They’d tried to keep it a secret, but John finally figured out that Dave had shown the _Back to the Future_ movies to Aradia.  He was slightly miffed that he hadn’t been invited, and told Dave as much, but Dave had since made it up to him by allowing John to watch _Con Air_ on the laptop Dave had smuggled into Hogwarts.

“How’s it going, Time Buddy?” Aradia asks, bouncing over to sit beside Dave.  He doesn’t sit up, just lifts his feet long enough for her to sit down, and then lets his legs stretch over her lap, but he smiles.

“Living the high life, yo.  How about you?"

"Great! I took a trip to Egypt this summer.  I got to work on a muggle archaeological dig with this man that Professor Sassacre knows!  It was so fun.”

“And I spent all summer on the beach with Eridan!” Feferi adds.  “Which is… what we always do.  But it was still fun!”

“That sounds really cool, ladies!” John says.  “I spent my summer with Jane and my grandma.  What’d you do, Dave?”

Dave lifts a shoulder casually.  “Stayed with the Lalondes, as usual.  We spent most of the summer in Paris, while Rose and Roxy’s mom worked on some project.  Worked Dirk’s poor owl half to death sending messages to friends.  Some of y’all magic borns really need to start embracing the wonders of text messaging.”

Feferi covers her mouth with her hand and giggles.  “For your information, mister, Erifins and I jumped on the muggle technology bandwagon this summer!  Mostly so I could talk to Ari while she was in Egypt.”

Aradia tosses her arms in the air.  “After years of pestering, she finally cracks.”

“It’s not a hell of a lot of use at Hogwarts,” Dave says.  “Since technically they’re not allowed.  But stash it in your bag and keep it under your pillow, and it makes for a great late-night chat with people outside your dorm.”

“Pretty helpful, since almost all my quadrant mates are in different houses!” Feferi says, looping an arm around her matesprit.  Aradia bumps the top of her head against Feferi’s cheek affectionately, cautious of her horns.

“Speaking of a completely unrelated topic,” Dave says.  “Anyone seen Karkat since we boarded?”

“He’s in the back with the other killjoys,” says Vriska from the entrance of the carriage.  She enters without invitation and plops down beside John, half leaning on him.  “He’s Head Boy this year, after all.”

“Dude, for real? He didn’t tell me.”

Vriska lifts a shoulder, looking bored.  “My hatchmate made Head Girl for Ravenclaw, the prissy know-it-all that she is, and I caught a peek at her list.  They all have to sit in the back of the train and get their dumb rule books so they can suck all the fun out of our lives this year.  Probably won’t see him until the Feast tonight, to be honest.”

Dave’s shoulders sink a little, but he plays it off.  “A’ight just wondering.”

“So how was your summer, Vriska?” John asks.

“So how about it, John?  Are you all ready for Quidditch trials next week?”

“Totally!  I can’t wait.”

Vriska smirks and shifts in her seat, propping her boots on the seat beside Feferi.  Feferi makes a low noise in her throat like a warning, but it just makes Vriska smirk more.  “How’s it goin’, Finface?”

“Everything fantastic, Vriska!” Feferi replies, bubbly as ever, but somehow more biting.  “I was just telling Aradia how relaxing my summer was.  I heard you got shipwrecked.”  Feferi giggles and Vriska’s expression sours.

“You try sailing an ancient, disenchanted ship.  My guardian was impressed how far I got, actually.”

“I’ve been sailing since I was a wriggler, Vriska,” Feferi says with a wink.  “Muggle and magical, both.  I’ll give you a tip: the key is not hitting the rocks when you’re leaving port.”

John and Dave exchange a look.  They had heard Feferi and Vriska had formed a kismesitude just before O.W.L.s last year, but this was the first time they’d really seen it in action.  Neither boy had ever seen Feferi breathe a rude word toward anyone, and the salt levels rolling off of her today were astronomical.  John guessed the black quadrant really did bring out the worst in people.

“Well, anyway,” Vriska says, stretching and yawning, as if the carriage has suddenly become boring.  “Just thought I’d drop in and say hi to my Gryffindor Quidditch bud.  I promised Terezi I’d sit with her, though, so I’ll see you losers later.”  Vriska exits with a flourish of her robe and the tension vanishes from the room.

“Have I mentioned lately how much I hate that bitch?” Dave asks the carriage at large.  Feferi nods her agreement.

“Hey, she’s not that bad!” John says.  “She can get kind of bossy, but she’s fun to hang out with.”

“It’s okay, John,” Feferi says, leaning forward to pat his knee.  “Nobody is saying you can’t like her.  But… she is my kismesis, so I’m inclined to agree with Dave.”

“Vriska puts the ‘bitch’ in ‘witch’, John,” Dave supplies.

John shrugs.  “Yeah, I can’t actually argue with that.”

“I think I hear the trolley coming,” Aradia says, tilting her head to listen.  Sure enough, the witch with the sweets cart stops in front of their carriage within a minute.

Feferi perks up immediately and digs a velvet bag out of her robe.  “Anyone want anything? My treat.”

“God, it is good to be in with the rich kids,” Dave says.  “Hit me up with some chocolate frogs, yo.”

“Pumpkin pasties for me, please,” says Aradia, smiling sweetly at her matesprit.

John laughs and requests a box of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans.  As Feferi retrieves their candy, John thinks – no.  He knows.

This is going to be the best year ever.

**Author's Note:**

> For more on this au, including House Divisions, please visit hogwarts-stuck-au.tumblr.com
> 
> Questions can be commented below, but are more effectively answered at the above url.
> 
> Also, since this AU is still a work in progress, feel free to message me on tumblr to bounce around headcanons or theories :)


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